Do you have these addictive personality traits ?
It is much easier to extinguish a first desire than to satisfy all of those that follow it.
François de La Rochefoucauld
Understanding addiction
For a long time, addiction has been called by many names: a moral weakness, a lack of willpower, a spiritual disease, an inability to cope with this world… Regardless of the object of addiction, the addict always tries to escape reality.
When addicts use a particular object (for example an addictive substance such as sugar or alcohol), they try to control the instability and uncertainty of the present moment, searching for elusive happiness. At first, they succeed, but gradually, the addiction takes over.
Like many other diseases, addiction progresses silently. In fact, this disease reaches a critical state long before the addict himself or his relatives realize the severity of the problem.
It all starts when the person experiences a mood change by consuming a substance (nicotine, heroin, sugar, alcohol) or engaging in an activity (gambling, sex, sports, theft…):
- Your mood is boosted when you shop online (compulsive buyer)
- You are relaxed and cheerful when you drink (alcoholic)
- You are excited because you won at the casino (compulsive gambler)
- You are relieved from negative emotions when you eat sugar (food addict)
In this way, the mood change gives the illusion of control, comfort, or even perfection. The way a person feels changes. Thus, in any addiction, the addict turns to an object to feel relief and a bit of intimacy.
Instead of turning to himself or to other people, the addict develops a relationship with an object (drug, food) or an event (gambling, sex, stealing). Therefore, for addicts, the slightest feeling of discomfort is a trigger to turn to their favorite drug but not to others or their own spirituality.
The addictive personality is created from a constant repetition of this behavior. Basically, it emerges from the addictive process. It is not a genetic predisposition.
In other words, our personality splits by creating an addictive alter ego. This alter ego is always with the addict. The more advanced the stage of addiction, the stronger the addictive alter ego within is and the more its voice dominates and determines a person’s choices.
Addiction is: NOT Asking for Help
Addiction is a mysterious thing.
Some people are probably more inclined to develop an addiction growing up in shaming, neglectful, abusive or inconsistent families. Growing up, they were not treated with love and respect, so they never learned to build healthy relationships with others.
If we grow up in a family where kindness, affection and intimacy were not welcome, we are more likely to develop an addiction. First, we learned to distance ourselves from others. We were being told that we don’t count. Then, as we grew up, this environment left an emotional deficit within us, a void created by loneliness and lack of love. We have a great deficit made up of unmet needs.
To fill this emotional void, we do not use connection with others, our own strength, our community or our spirituality. Instead, we develop a relationship with an object or behavior.
A child who is neglected during an evening when their alcoholic parents are unable to take care of them will seek comfort in the cookie jar. A child who grows up in an atmosphere where she is constantly blamed or emotionally neglected is a perfect candidate for developing an addiction.
Food rescues but doesn’t fill the deficits.
The birth of the red dragon
Repeatedly neglecting personal values in favor of addictive behavior will gradually give more strength to the alter ego addict, an alternative self personality. Progressively, the voice of this alter ego becomes louder. Imagine a red dragon whispering thoughts into your ear.
The part of you that isn’t addicted, the blue dragon, is getting harder and harder to hear.
Do you have thoughts like:
- I don’t really need people
- I don’t have to confront anything if I don’t want to
- I’m scared to face life and to face problems
- Objects and behavior rituals are more important than people
- I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. No matter who it hurts
This thought system reinforces the addictive personality, the red dragon. The more we try to escape it, the more the addiction grows and strengthens.
The red dragon says: “Give me your pain, I will relieve it.”
Translation: “Give me your pain, I will give you the illusion of relief.”
The red dragon says: “I will teach you a way not to face your problems.”
Translation: “You can hide temporarily, but your problems will always be there.”
The red dragon says: “You can trust me.”
Translation: “You can’t trust anyone but me.”
Switching addictions
Sugar addiction is the most widespread addiction in the world and probably the most difficult to overcome. Most of the time, it’s the first addictive substance we come into contact with.
This dependency can last a lifetime, or it can progress to other substances (coffee, alcohol, nicotine, medications) or behaviors (gambling, work, shopping, online gaming, sex). Consequently, switching between objects of addiction keeps the person trapped in the addictive loop. Whether it’s drugs, chocolate, or whiskey, if you have a void to fill, you will always seek to fill it.
All addictions are interconnected. As a result, all forms of addiction must be addressed to achieve lasting sobriety.
Some people prefer to quit all drugs cold turkey. Others proceed by eliminating addictive substances or behaviors gradually. In any case, one must remain vigilant not to fall back into another addiction in order to mask emotional pain.
what stage are you at ?
Addiction is progressive. The more it evolves, the more the wall that the addict has built around themselves becomes rigid and complex. Below you can read an example of this progression.
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Stage 1
Any addictive relationship begins when we try to escape negative sensations or emotions repeatedly. We gradually replace natural human interaction with a relationship to an object or behavior. While a relationship is an emotional exchange with others, the addictive relationship is emotional isolation. An addictive cycle sets in:
> we feel discomfort
> we turn to our object of addiction
> for a brief moment, we feel better
> but we feel guilty about our behavior which creates even more discomfort
> we return to our object to relieve the discomfort
and so on
Our alter-ego, the addictive personality emerges and takes shape. In some respects, we begin to seek peace and happiness through control. By binging on sugary products for example, we have the impression of controlling the situation. In this sense, we seek perfection and control instead of humanity.
The behavior remains within socially accepted limits. But already the addictive logic and the foundations of beliefs are forming and strengthening: food provides infallible relief while others are never perfect.
Moreover, this stage is marked by the appearance of excessive eating, strong cravings, and a constant lack of control over the consumption of processed foods. There may even be slight withdrawal signs when consumption of certain foods is limited.
At this stage, it’s still difficult to distinguish between emerging food addiction, hormonal imbalances, or other eating disorders (bulimia, binge eating).
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Stage 2
The lifestyle changes and adapts to the addictive alter-ego.
At this stage, we surround ourselves only with ideas and people who conform to our addiction and we distance ourselves from people who might threaten the red dragon. Some prefer to isolate themselves completely because the feeling of shame is overwhelming and thus avoid even the slightest hint of intimacy.
Rituals around the addiction are created and as a result, it becomes a way of life. We begin to lie. For example, hiding food, sneaking a few shots before coming home, opening bank accounts to hide gambling, multiplying encounters to have more sex.
These rituals develop. In case of stress or discomfort, addicts now turn to these rituals that provide relief.
In the case of food addiction, it’s important not to forget that repeated consumption of processed foods high in sugar leads to dopaminergic neuroadaptation. The brain’s reward system becomes desensitized, requiring larger quantities of food to achieve the same level of pleasure. Thus, this neuroadaptation contributes to the progression of food addiction.
When the dependent person asks themselves “when will this stop?”, the voice of the red dragon responds “it’s not that bad.”
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Stage 3
At this stage, the addictive alter-ego is in total control. After years of addictive behavior, the addiction has real and serious consequences on the addict’s life. Their entire life begins to fall apart.
For sugar addicts, metabolic disorders are significant. Food consumption occurs compulsively despite minimal pleasure or reward and is characterized by total loss of control, overeating, and an inability to abstain from excessive eating. Although the pleasure is no longer the same, it is now too painful to do without this food-drug.
These stages are well illustrated in the video at the beginning of this article.
The Path to Healing
Long ago, we turned to food to soothe our pain. Over time, we developed another problem: addiction to overconsumption of processed foods.
We have abused these products so much that it’s no longer just a psychological habit or survival technique—the chemical composition of our brain has also changed. What could we do about it? This solution had always worked; it was foolproof.
Breaking free from our usual patterns is difficult. Our rules and habits are so deeply ingrained that we now reproduce most of them unconsciously.
When we try to break one of these rules, we feel anxious. We then want to turn to our preferred solution: eating sugar. But that’s exactly what we shouldn’t do!
Breaking the rules and adopting different behavior is a real challenge.
No longer ignoring our true needs and responding to our emotions with kindness and gentleness is not behavior we’re accustomed to. However, it may be the gateway to food freedom.
The healing process happens in several stages. Weight loss often comes last. These stages might look like:
- accepting the fact of having an addiction to processed foods
- making a firm decision to change (check the easy way here)
- building a support system
- identifying the survival rules and habits established through food
- learning to ask for help
- abstaining from products that trigger episodes
- listening to emotions and true needs
- re-learning relationships with others
- identifying other potential addictions
- navigating toward a healthy lifestyle
- working on body image
- losing weight
Fulfillment
We have tried to obtain from food what we want from life—fulfillment. Many speak of an emptiness they try to fill. The problem is that food will never be enough and has very limited capacity to meet our emotional and spiritual needs. Even with full stomachs, we could eat more if we could.
In contrast, emotional closeness, kindness toward ourselves and others brings soul fulfillment, energy, meaning, and flourishing.
NAKKEN Craig, The Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior, Hazelden Trade, 1988
KATHERINE Anne, Food Addiction: The Brain Chemistry of Overeating, Gurze Books, 1997
Dr TARMAN Vera, One size does not fit all: Understanding the five stages of ultra-processed food addiction, Journal of Metabolic Health, 2024
Copyright ©Nutrinama Ekaterina Choukel
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